Paul Most
The two women worthy of shagging me are:
  • Susan Sontag--Because she would make it worthwhile for me to try to learn how to listen. Unfortunately, I hear she goes the other way.

  • Xena (Lucy Lawless)--She makes me bark like the dog I am! Truss and shear me like the sheep of your native New Zealand! Bang my head upon your breastplates!

  • I'd like to shag Jewel too, but then I'd have to hear her sing and that would be too great a sacrifice.
Dr. Scooter
"Let's not be star-fuckers," Stockard Channig memorably beseeched in '6 Degrees of Separation.' And I confer. So my list will be short:
  • Stone Cold Steve Austin: A professional wrestler. Shaved head, goatee (in fact, he looks a little like me). Likes to curse a lot. I bet he spits, too.

  • Sebastian Junger: A novelist. (I don't remember what he's written.) I saw his photograph in the New York Times Book Review once. He looked handsome.

  • Bruce Wagner: Another writer. Never seen him in person before, but his book jacket photo gives him an interestingly menacing quality.

  • Some newcaster on the Weather Channel: I don't know his name, and he's not traditionally handsome. But he looks like he's hung like a freight train.

  • Christy Turlington: Our children would have great bone structure (mainly hers).

  • Alec Baldwin: Mainly for the chest hair.
Sebastian Junger

Tension Summer 1997

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