Scooter's Television Jamboree
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Stinks Like Butter Scooter's Television Jamboree |
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...I don’t often think of comedy when I think of Brooke Shields. Oh sure, I often think of unintentionally hilarious moments; I often think of mind-numbingly bad acting; I often find myself laughing at Brooke instead of with her. But that’s all changed now. Brooke Shields has her own television sit-com, Suddenly Susan, and she’s not all that bad. The show is loathsome, but she’s pretty good. And how often did you think you’d be able to say that? Brooke’s sit-com career jump-started last year when she cameoed as a wacko girlfriend on Friends (and when was the last time you saw a decent episode of that show?--I’d say sometime around early January of last year. I just wish those so-called-friends would all get new haircuts and move out of the building.). Brooke, on Friends, made goofy faces and strange noises and bumped into things, and generally played against her pretty baby looks, and she surprised all of us by successfully making us forgive her for The Blue Lagoon, and Brenda Starr, and on and on and on (I could come up with a longer list, but frankly you wouldn’t have the stomach for it). Brookie obviously made some high honcho at NBC think comedy, because before you could even change the channel, our little Brooke had her very own sit-com (hey, I say if Ted Danson can have his own show, his second own show, then Brooke can certainly have one of her own any old day.)
Brooke plays a journalist (shades of Brenda Starr--someone was wearing their cruel shoes the day they thought up that one), for an ‘alternative’ newspaper (I guess we’re supposed to think of it as the Blade or the Voice or something like that, except this is network television, so I don’t know what were supposed to think). Brooke, as Susan, makes goofy faces and strange noises and bumps into things and . . . well, you get the picture. Actually she does a good job at the faces and the noises and the bumping bits, and I might even say that she can wrap her tongue around some of the funny lines she’s given to read (though in all honesty, there aren’t many of them). In fact, I might even say she’s actually quite good, but she’s surrounded by a bunch of really odious actors, and the writing isn’t even up to the level of Three’s Company, and well, the whole damn thing is a mess. I mean, Judd Nelson, the original Mr. Brat Packer himself, is on the show for christ’s sake (talk about your career dives; Judd’s place in the sun lasted about as long as Elliot Gould’s, and Judd’s a better actor, but not by much.). Imagine for a moment Mr. Nelson’s chagrin at playing second banana to Brooke Shields. It must have been a sad day in Juddville when he had to make that decision. And then there’s Barbara Barrie who plays Nanna, which I suppose means she’s Susan’s grandmother, but I haven’t watched the show enough times to figure everything out. Barbara Barrie is an incredible actress (she played Michael’s mother on thirtysomething for those of you who can’t place her), and what she’s doing on this show playing an aging hot momma who makes dry sexual comments and flat double entendres is anyone’s guess. It’s just so sad to see Barbara Barrie flaunting feather boas, and flirting with Cuban dissidents, and making penis jokes, when you know that what she really should be doing is helping Hope cope with that whiny husband of hers and make him keep a job once and for all. I can only hope that some high honcho at NBC gives Ms. Barrie a show of her own someday. But I digress . . . As for Suddenly Susan, I say (as if anyone cares) fire everyone involved on the show, keep Brooke, and start all over again, please . . .
. . . Now that the Miami Real World wrapped, it’s time to dissect. As these things go, Miami wasn’t so bad – if N.Y. was the best of a bad thing and L.A. was the nightmare that wouldn’t end (what is it with L.A.: too much sun? to much Ovitz and Eisner? too much O.J.?), Miami was somewhere near the top, better than both London (which was strangely very boring), and S.F. (thankfully lacking the gross out king Puck and that self-righteous cartoonist guy whose name I have forgotten. Besides, S.F. got way too pious with all that AIDS awareness stuff.)
A funny thing about the Miami Real World: it actually seemed to have some sort of narrative structure. I don’t know what those chic and trendy boys at Yale’s semiotic and striptease club would call it, but the Miami show was structured so that the viewer was manipulated to actually like each of the "characters" at first and then slowly begin to feel contempt for them, all of them, by the end of the season. Can’t remember this happening on any other show. The way the old Real World worked, usually by the second show you’d know who you were supposed to like, and who was put in the house for everyone to hate, and you were only left to guess just what Puck would finally do to get kicked out once and for all (fingers in the peanut butter just isn’t enough). This time no one got kicked out (no one was kicked out in London either; which may go a long way in explaining why it was so bland), although Melissa did leave at the penultimate episode in high theatrical dudgeon, saying she hated her housemates and couldn’t live there a second longer, and yadda yadda yadda, but we were never really told why. It seems everyone just hated her; and well, maybe that’s reason enough for her, but not for me (and she sure did look good in those skimpy black miniskirts--maybe that’s why the housemates hated her: too much competition). Besides, she was just as self-centric and obnoxious as the rest of the housies--you could tell that by how many pairs of shoes she owned.
No, sadly enough no one was kicked out, but all the housies were pretty much hated and hateful by the end of the season. I find it so interesting that all those folks on the Real World are so willing (and eager) to portray themselves as emotionally manipulative and down-right unpleasant. Man, when I was their age my roommates loved me, just ask them. Go ahead, ask them. The token gay guy, Dan, coerces his boyfriend to pass up an expense-paid trip to visit his parents so that they can spend the weekend in the Keys. And then days later Dan dumps the boyfriend and goes off to Italy to pursue his dreams of Versace poster boy-dom. Now that’s cold and manipulative. And Flora--but don’t even get me started on Flora. As she herself proclaimed: "I am the bitch of all bitches." Well, at least there’s truth in advertising there. And what’s up with that Joe guy proposing marriage to his Amazon girlfriend right in the middle of his college graduation ceremonies? An MTV camera crew following you around all day can make you do some really weird stuff.
But as much as I complain, this show is so eminently watchable, that I sometimes can’t stop myself. Even when I catch an old episode (and believe me, it’s not hard to catch an old episode, they show this stuff about six times a day on MTV--in the old days MTV stood for "music television" now it stands for "empty television."), I watch it in rapt attention, even when I know that Julie is going to have a fight with Brian and go off and have a good cry, and a mocha latte, with Beth by the end of the show. It’s mindless, and I know it. It’s sick, and I can’t help myself, and I’m looking for a good 12-step program. But in the meantime I’m still going to watch.
Next year the Real World goes to Boston. Sounds like a bad idea for a rock musical to me.
. . . Just in passing, has anyone been paying attention to those ESPN2 commercials? They are the strangest, funniest, best written commercials on television at the moment. Catch them while they last, especially the one with the guy carrying around the gymnast gal with the sprained leg--hey, I didn’t even watch those bombed-out Atlanta Olympics this summer and I still get the jokes. . . . Next month, stay tuned for Relativity, Inside the Actor’s Studio, and maybe a re-appreciation of Rhoda. And then again, maybe not. |
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| Tension | January 1997 |
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